6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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