Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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