I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
This house was built for laser tag.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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