Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
