do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
did i walk over a car last night?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
