a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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