im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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