I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
