i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
