Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
