Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize