I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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