FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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