Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
