my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
