My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
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Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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