You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
