And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
How does one acquire holy water?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
