hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
