Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The best revenge is premature balding
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Randomize
