We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
