i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
