I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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