i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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