hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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