i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
