My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
