YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
