Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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