just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
