So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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