Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I lost the right to judge tonight
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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