And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
