Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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