i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.