I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My butt remains clenched, sir.