how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.