Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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