can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Randomize
