Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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