i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
