Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
