And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
