Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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