Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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