You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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