So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Randomize
