I bet he comes in French.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
