Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
