WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
