Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
