im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
