nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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