Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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