Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
