drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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