i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
