everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
