She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
