There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
