Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
