see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
