How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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