dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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