is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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