i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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