you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
the raccoons are back...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
