DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So apparently I’m into choking now
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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