So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
All I want is dick and wine.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
